I come from a long line of traditional women, my mum was a caterer and I have been cooking since I could walk to the kitchen…smiles. I remember the first time I cooked and how salty it was, stirring things up and peeling yam with almost half of the fruit gone with the peel; making yam flours (amala) with more than half of it in its “small balls form” . My mother is a beautiful woman coupled with the fact that she’s a good cook, though married, people still called for her attention, not because she was only beautiful; they loved her food which was also one of the things my father saw. My mother never had to be vocal about it but as I grew up clearly knowing that the way to a man’s heart was food.
Gladly I enjoy cooking, in addition to crafting a meal. It’s become an art and tradition for getting my friends together. I cook for them to make me feel better because making someone happy with food if a part of my DNA makeup, I have gotten many compliments myself, so now I began dating aggressively, thinking being a good cook was going to be a plus for the man I dated, but never thoughts of what role it’s going to play in the relationship. The thoughts running through my mind were;
When should I cook for him? What should I make? How often should I do it? These are the questions I often ask myself in the beginning of my relationship…But I’ve only met this guy 2 months ago and we’ve only had our date twice.
With time I learnt these lessons about cooking and how it affects my new relationships.
- Tease but don’t give up the good early
It’s been well known you are a really good cook and has added enough to your dating-profile, do not see this opportunity to cook too fast and early in the relationship. The early period of a relationship is for courting. First and most importantly, you do not owe him
anything especially when the relationship isn’t going anywhere. Obviously, cooking for a guy isn’t a good ‘’first date’’. I would say date two is too soon for pots and pans to come out. This might cut the courting short and you will be spending more nights cooking and acquiring skills on net, than out of town being courted.
The “cooking date” is the ace in the hole third date for a guy.
- Not trying to bite after he’s been teased. He isn’t in this with you, believe it. The fact that eating the meal you cooked can be an intimate affair. If cooking doesn’t happen 4 months of your relationship after you’ve talked about cooking for him he isn’t ready dear lady.
- Rule of giving before accepting.
You have stayed in a man’s house a few times and he hasn’t tried to feed or prepare a meal for you e.g getting you snack or being romantic enough to make you dinner, or he’s been to your place several times only to eat without bringing anything, this is a danger flag. I have found that men who are relationship substance will cook for their lovers first. The rule doesn’t just apply to having sex.
- Keep it simple at first. Do try to keep it simple to breakfast but do put your twist on it. Even if you are the best cook, you shouldn’t mess the whole surprise up too bad either by looking unkempt, dirty or walking barefooted. It doesn’t really make the surprise look sexy enough.
- Avoid making it a habit, without the commitment. Don’t cook for him regularly if you are not in a committed relationship especially when you see both green and purple light showing how unserious he may be, men who aren’t available should be least taken care of. Do not act like a girlfriend when you are not one.
- Timeline a regular date night. If the relationship is seen as a commitment, and more cooking is being done, still make an effort i.e you both should set a regular date night, getting dressed-up together and getting set for a date, it’s been envisaged to make for a much healthier and happier relationship.