Our lovely blog reader Ms. Watkins has contributed to our ‘From The Heart’ feature – a weekly Sunday spot on the blog where we hand the blog back over to our readers to write about all matters of love and life.
Men can make us angry. From being inconsiderate to making us feel a bit unappreciated. He would be darn near perfect if he just did not get you into that state of frustration. And often. It seems like they don’t realize what they’re doing until you’re mad and then they’re looking at you like you are the crazy one. Then what do we do? Once men are in that, “What’s wrong with this woman,” mindset, there is no reasoning with a crazy person. But, the last time you checked, you don’t belong in an asylum—you actually make a lot of sense if he would just listen right? Here are some things to try to avoid letting him drive you c-r-a-z-y.
Don’t ignore the small stuff
Little things must be addressed in the beginning. If you two are living together and you need him to wash the dishes every once in awhile or not leave the toilet seat up, tell him. Or if you’re not and wouldn’t mind getting a phone call so you know he’s alive and well, let him know. Don’t let it build up. One thing men are not good at is reading minds. Now, you could get chewed out and labeled as the notorious “nagger,” but would they rather have “little daily reminders” or World War III? Nagging is just our way of dumbing it down for our guys to understand how we feel—because it’s not rocket science. Repetition is the key to it sticking in the brain. Get it? Repetition is the key.
When he cancels on you
A change of plans is nothing to be upset about—unless it happens quite often. “Let’s hang out this weekend,” is not a way of making plans and a lot of times, the plans fall through. First, it is the duty of both people to decide on exactly what, when, where and how they want to spend time with one another. If he simply can’t make it, with a legitimate excuse (because if he does not have a good excuse, that is something be cautious of), then that is acceptable. Just find something else to do. But if it keeps occurring, he is just wasting your time and you should let him figure out his priorities. It’s not worth your anger.
When he doesn’t call or text back
We all have things going on in our lives but I will keep this one short. Men like talking just as much as we do. If he wants to talk to you he will make time to do just that. Even if it’s just for a few minutes. So if he can’t, why bother?
Learn to realize if he’s just not that into you
We can save ourselves unnecessary pain if we realize when a guy simply does not like us as much as we thought. Does he take a while to text you back, but seems to always have his phone nearby when you are together? Does he say one thing but do the complete opposite? Does he avoid certain touchy subjects or give vague answers when you want to get more personal? If men are happy with their situation, they usually don’t have an issue telling you just how they feel—and do you know why? Men are territorial. If they could chain a woman up to prevent her from the outside world and being pursued by any other man, they would. Now, that is a little extreme (don’t let that actually happen), but do you catch my drift? You will know if he’s into you. And a word of advice: If you really have to contemplate whether he really likes you, he probably doesn’t.
So, what about when you get the guy? Things can still get tense. You just have the extra benefit of love to deal with much more than a single woman would. But there are ways to handle those frustrating moments before you call it quits.
Before speaking up, figure out why you’re mad
Have you ever felt like you’ve lost an argument? It kind of hurts your ego. And it’s likely because we didn’t make a bit of sense. It sounded right in our heads until it came out. If that occurs often then you must figure out why you’re mad before even attempting to tell your man. Remember the, “What’s wrong with this woman,” face I mentioned? That will always happen if you are not clear of your issues with him. I like to write things down, and maybe that’s because I am a writer, but I can effectively jot down my feelings and not worry about forgetting something in the heat of passion.
Learn to realize when the problem is actually you
Beyoncé said it best: as “flawless” as we really are, sometimes it is truly us that drove ourselves crazy. Try this exercise: I hate [whatever he does that drives you nuts] because [the reason it drives you nuts] and it makes me feel [however you feel]. If the sentence does not make sense or it is not something that you feel every time he does it, the issue may be with yourself. Realizing when the problem is actually within ourselves can save many heated arguments, frustration and regrets.
When it’s time to talk, it’s time to talk!
This may be more for the guys but the challenge for women is to make our men sit down and listen. I have a hard time expressing myself so when I feel like I’m finally ready, the conversation needs to happen right at that moment. There is no need to walk out of the room or push it off until later because you will eventually walk back into the room and later will come. Communication is great! It saves relationships. If the love is there and strong, both people should always want to talk and work it out before things get unbearable.
But, when it’s over, let it be over
In the end, no man is worth your actual sanity. Yes we will get frustrated with the lovable men in our lives, but there’s a difference between being mad and despising his existence. If he does not change the little nuisances, does not listen, and seems to just not genuinely care for your feelings, it is time to get out of there. Trust me, someone will be willing to appease your needs if it means they can stay with a great person like you in the long run.
So tell me, what are some things your guys do that drive you crazy? How do you handle it?