Our lovely blog reader Mosadoluwa Adeleke has contributed to our ‘From The Heart’ feature – a weekly Sunday spot on the blog where we hand the blog back over to our readers to write about all matters of love and life.
Breaking up is hard to do…until it’s not. No one likes to see a good thing end. However, a good thing (i.e. relationship) requires a lot of hard work and patience. Sometimes, despite your frantic attempts to revive them, relationships simply take their last breath and die.
Is your relationship in trouble? Concerned things might be near the end? Read on to learn the top 10 reasons why many couples break up.
1. Broken promises, lying, cheating, stealing
These violations of trust almost always result in relationship problems, and is an obvious reasons a relationship fails. If the basic trust in a love relationship is repeatedly broken, problems accumulate and the motivation to stay together decreases. Couples in loving relationships can learn to reconcile their differences – and even survive a physical or emotional affair without anger or bitterness.
2. Imbalance of power in relationships
Couples may be more likely to break up when one partner has more decision-making power than the other. When one person makes all the decisions about activities, friends, financial matters, household matters, and vacations, the relationship isn’t balanced or loving, and quickly becomes unstable. Both partners should equally share the decision-making power, or the relationship may fail.
3. Acceptance of stereotypes in relationships
This was once a more common reason why couples break up, but it still exists today! Mistaken gender myths include beliefs such as “Men should earn more money than women” or “Women should stay at home and raise the kids.” If couples believe these stereotypes, they create false expectations that can lead to splitting up.
4. Isolation from friends and family
This reason for splitting up is based on fear and insecurity; new couples may isolate themselves from other people because they’re “in love and want to be together.” A brief period of cocooning is normal for many couples, but it’s far healthier to interact with other people regularly.
5. Lack of self-knowledge
If one or both partners aren’t in tune with their own interests, needs, desires, future plans, goals, values, and preferences, then it’s difficult for them to build a better marriage or healthy love relationship. Self-knowledge helps partners communicate who they are and what they want in a relationship, which can prevent problems.
6. Low self-esteem, insecurity, and lack of self-confidence
Couples break up because one partner feels unworthy of being loved. This insecurity can lead to possessiveness and dependence, which isn’t healthy for either partner in the love relationship. Couples break up because of insecurity and jealousy.
7. Excessive jealousy – one of the most common reasons couples break up
Jealousy is cited as one of the most frequent causes of the breakup of romantic relationships. Delusional jealousy can trigger abuse and violence, which can (and should) be why a couple breaks up! Delusional jealousy isn’t as common as “normal” jealousy, but both can cause serious relationship problems.
8. Ineffective communication
Both partners need to be able to share their thoughts, feelings, opinions, values, needs, frustrations, and joys. Sometimes couples avoid speaking honestly and hide their true selves, which may not always lead to a break up…but it doesn’t strengthen their bond!
9. Control issues
If one partner is trying to control or manipulate the other, the relationship can become weak or destructive. Controlling behaviors include checking up on the partner, name-calling, threatening the partner, requiring the partner to check in all the time, or not allowing any deviations from the schedule.
10. Unhealthy physical behavior
This is an obvious relationship problem that should lead to an immediate break up! Physical, intimate, and emotional abuse are attempts to gain total control over a partner. Though relationships like this should end immediately, couples stay together stay for various reasons.