Every week, RealAfricanWeddings.com’s resident agony aunt Blessing answers your problems. It’s solid advice from someone who is not in fact your aunt…
I am really feeling down about a situation I’m in at the moment. Last week I added a co-worker on Facebook and that night I received a message from him — and because I always fancied him I was delighted.
However, when I went on to look at his page it clearly stated he is in a relationship for a few years.
It was just harmless texting about work though so I didn’t think it was wrong, although if I was in a relationship I wouldn’t be happy if my boyfriend was texting another girl…
We texted back and forth daily for the week and he then asked for my Snapchat name, which I was fine with…until he said he wanted me to ‘feel free to send random snaps’.
It could be harmless and could actually mean pictures of my dog, but I feel as though I’m in the wrong and I don’t know if that was a cue to send different pics, like my friends think.
Believe me, I never intended to message a man who is in a relationship; I hate women like this. But I really do fancy him!
My friends all told me to stop texting him and that I’m wrecking the relationship but am I really in the wrong? Like, he’s never told me he’s in a relationship, and as far as he’s aware I don’t know that he is.
WOW, you have yourself in a bit of a pickle there now, don’t you?!
You’re going to have two very different, but clear, viewpoints on this. You know, but you don’t ‘know’ this guy is in a relationship. Nine times out of 10 if it says he’s in a relationship on Facebook, he probably is. Just look at his photos and they’ll probably further confirm this status.
Personally, if someone is in a relationship I don’t think there is such a thing as ‘harmless’ or ‘innocent’ social media interactions when they’re done by private message or something as intimate as Snapchat.
If I saw my husband speaking to someone privately I’d be hurt — but I also know he wouldn’t do it in the first place knowing my thoughts on it.
The fact that you acknowledge you wouldn’t be comfortable with it if it was YOUR boyfriend doing the texting says it all really. You know, deep down, that this is not the right thing to do.
Call him out on it — ask him how does his girlfriend feel about him reaching out to you, a stranger, for conversation?
Social media has made it too easy for people to be dishonest in relationships and to hide who they’re talking to and confiding in.
It’d be a dealbreaker for me… one shot and you’re out. If this guy is so free and easy with chatting to you on the side, imagine how many more he’s stringing along too?
Bottom line: confront him and ask him if he is in a relationship. Then see what he says — will he try and bluff it and make excuses?
If he says he’s in a relationship but it’s only chatting, tell him that’s fine but with respect to his partner you’d rather it’s public contact and not private messages. Stand by the theory ‘if you’ve got nothing to hide’.
I think deep down you’ve already decided this isn’t the right thing to pursue if he is already involved with someone else.
I can’t convince you to stop this before anyone gets hurt but if he can’t respect his girlfriend, how can you ever expect him to respect you? I smell a rat.
Got a problem? Just write to Blessing at firstname.lastname@example.org !